FAT

If you couldn't tell from the heading, I am having a fat moment.

Why does weight have to be a struggle? An existence? Does anyone feel like there should be a simple co-inhabitance with themselves and the food they love? Lol.


I LOVE food. LOVE it. But I don't have to live in it. I think that all things in moderation is great, unless your body can't process it for crap! Exercise is dandy, unless you have a horrible back problem (such as mine) which limits you to basically swimming. Which is not readily available everywhere!

I think that you should be able to enjoy the foods you love as you live your life. Nobody should have to starve themselves their whole life to feel comfortable in their own body. I'm at that point!

When I was younger, I wasn't really fat, or chubby, but I felt like it because other children made me feel that way! Oh the childhood poison cruelty bread that we all had a slice of and served to others in return! After peaking at my high weight in high school, I donated blood and was pretty sick afterwards. I couldn't eat anything for two days, and lost TEN pounds. Terrible - but awesome - and felt like that was a good launch point for me to start losing weight. I suddenly realized that if I didn't eat that last piece of cake, it was ok. Yes, someone else would eat it. But I was living in AMERICA. If it was a cake from Costco, I could go buy another one. Literally. Down the street.

When I started feeling like everything was always going to be readily available to me, I stopped eating everything that simply looked good, and started dropping the pounds like mad. Two months later, I decided to join the swim team at school, and partnered with my 'you-don't-have-to-eat-that' mojo, I lost 50lbs in 5 months. I had a tan, was toned, and healthy - and found a new love for apples. :o)

Now, what happened?!?!?! I'm a mom of two, my body has held onto everything through both pregnancies. Everyone makes it out like losing the weight is so easy but my old tricks don't work!!! I want cake..... and sometimes, I let myself have cake too often. But I can't just not eat bad food and watch my weight melt off anymore!!! I feel like my body gave up.

So, I'm totally frustrated. TOTALLY FRUSTRATED. And I'm not a religious Oprah watcher - sometimes... I can't do some of the shows they have topics on - but I totally feel motivated to start caring about my body, and stop giving in to foods like... yes, I should enjoy cake. Because no matter what, I'm a strong believer in enjoying your life. And I'm sorry - I don't care who you are - but you can't enjoy life if all you can eat is tofu, lettuce, and lean meat until you die. (Or whatever else your diet is)

EVERYONE NEEDS A LITTLE CHOCOLATE CAKE ONCE IN A WHILE!


Anyway.

I refuse to be this uncomfortable anymore. It's not about how it's unfair to my kids, because when they want me to do things, I'll have to go sit down, and it's not about how it's unfair to my husband, because he married a svelte hot mama and now has the aftermath to deal with, it's not about how I view those things that way, it's about ME and me being uncomfortable and tired of being uncomfortable.

I remember feeling healthy and like I could run a marathon three times in one day - the energy, the motivation... I want that back. (Just like I could build the pyramids if I have enough sleep!)

It's goal week!


Well.

It's goal day. We'll see how long I last. But I want to take better care of myself, and see if the weight comes off. And I'm going to take more time for me. (I'm looking into taking some college classes about baking and pastry art, and learning how to do all the things I dreamed about but never imagined could be real! Like blowing sugar, like they blow glass! THAT is amazing!!!!)



I'm feeling excited.



Nervous ---



But excited. Hopeful. Nauseous.



:o)

Oi

Sheeew.

Well I'm grateful my husband and I (who knows for how long) are still employed. I'm hearing so many horrible stories - and all the men in my husband's family have lost their jobs. Terrible! My hubby's been working from home, since their company went into bankruptcy and they booted them out of their office space, which is a blessing.......

....aaaand kindof annoying.

LOL

Seriously. I had a routine. I had my things I did, my children had routine, and now.... it's totally tossed to the wind! It doesn't help that when my husband is home I'm used to relaxing a little - I ususally do all my "duties" during the day, and when he comes home from work we do nothing together instead of him doing nothing because he's been at work all day, and me putting around and then we never see each other. But now that he's home... I found myself, for a couple of days, just ... PLLTHHTHTHBBT - sitting on the couch. Ugh. So finally, I know it's like a child, but I made myself a chore chart.

Ha ha ha - yes, yes, a chore chart.

Every day I walk over, see what I have to get done, check it off as I go, and I don't feel like "aah I'll never get all the things done I need to!!!" anymore. Instead, I get done what I have to that day, and things like sweeping get done once in a while, instead of never, because I'm never thinking about it. It's awesome - and oddly, I'm doing more than I ever have, but I don't actually work all day long at it. I'm usually done my list by noon (or later, if it's a laundry day) and then I can spend the rest of the day to my liking - crafting with Logan, scrapbooking online, taking up an old project I should have finished... OR if I'm really ambitious I'll do something off of tomorrow's "to-do" chore list. I have no regrets for having made a chore chart.

Even though it's kindof childish.
It's working.

Logan also has a chore chart.

That is not working. LOL

So part of my spare-time projects is to scan my scrapbook box into the computer, to save space. By "scrapbook box", I mean - when we first moved into this apartment, I went through allllll my craft boxes and put all the things I held onto (every picture, sticker, doo-dad, memento) into one medium-sized Home Depot moving box.

That is one big box.

But - I want to scan it (not only to remove it from next to my desk here) because I know I'll never have the time to sit down and scrapbook everything I want to. I haven't even done our wedding photos yet. Seriously. PLUS, scrapbooking the old-fashioned way is expensive!!! You have to buy the paper, the stickers, the brads and embellishments, ribbon, die cuts, maybe even the machines to cut things for you, fancy scissors, stamps, etc etc... it's exhausting!!! At the end of it, one page cost you like $30 to produce!

My solution? I started using Heritage Makers ( http://www.heritagemakers.com/347499 ) to scrapbook everything. They have a gigantor database of stickers, brads, and embellishments to add to your digital page, and you use this through their website... it's amazing. It's like scrapbooking for real, because of how free it is and what freedom you have to do what you want on the page in terms of where things go and what color you want and how you want them to lay, except you are saving a TONNNN of money on supplies, plus you have a searchable database for your embellishments instead of - oh, say - a shoebox filled with doo-dads all jumbled up together, or ribbon all tangled together. I love love love it.

Especially since you order your book, and it comes sewn and bound like a professional book, and it is such high amazing quality, and the images are superb (looks like real flowers and ribbon on your page, or like you actually have sewn a label on) and - get this... - IT LAYS FLAT!!!!! Yes! No more 15" binder for a 1" story. Ha ha ha!

I also joke to my husband that I won't have to fight myself on saving my family or saving my scrapbooks with this - because they are in the database of Heritage Makers, so if something happens to your computer or your home, the scrapbook is safe. And you can just order another one. Which is awesome.

WELL now that I'm done talking about scrapbooking! I'm going to go eat some chocolate, and concern myself with how I'm going to lose my baby weight... from my first baby... by summer.

Adios!